tapmyshoulder

I, Terry Lynn Hathaway, have accomplished what others have not been able to do! I know, you’re all impressed! I have located THE Weapon of Mass Destruction! And you’ll all be shocked to know that we each have one of these weapons. Brace yourself…the Weapon of Mass Destruction is…The Tongue!! Yes, you’ve read that right. The tongue is a weapon capable of causing massive pain and destruction.

Recently I’ve witnessed how this weapon was used. Talk about “Shock and Awe”! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Days later, I was still amazed at the pain this weapon had caused. Why is it that some people can say hurtful things and then just move on as if nothing was wrong. I’m the type of person, I guess, that tends to dwell on things.

As I considered this weapon, I was reminded of the times that our family had been injured by this weapon of mass destruction! Our family has been on the casualty list of this weapon; we have been the victims of people’s gossip and hateful words. I don’t think people realize that gossip is like a murder. The person being gossiped about is having their reputation murdered.

And then the Holy Spirit taps me on the shoulder and asks me “When was the last time you used your “WMD?” Ooops!!  Ummm, well, ummm, lets talk about how others use this weapon.  This is getting a little uncomfortable!     I started to take a little inventory of the times I spoke about someone in an unflattering way.  Oh, and being a Christian doesn’t automatically change gossip into prayer requests!  🙂

I quickly realized how guilty I am of hurting people’s reputations by saying things that weren’t part of the problem or the solution.  How many times have I spoken about things that are of no concern to me?  How many times have I spoken out of anger or frustration?  Maybe my weapon needs to be de-fused! 

I Peter 3:10 says:

“For whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech.”

James 3:3-5 puts it this way:

“When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. ⁴ Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds , they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. ⁵ Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. ⁶ The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”

Yikes!! Makes me want to keep a closer watch on my tongue!

But, on the flip side and because I like to end my posts on a positive note, the tongue can also bring healing and a balm to a hurting soul!  🙂  Is there any sweeter sound than someone calling you “Mom” or “Dear” or “Friend”?  Since my sister’s passing, I don’t think my sister-in-law, Julie and I part ways without saying “I love you”!  My dear friend Erin also uses her tongue to call me “Sweet Friend”  🙂  And then there are 2 young men that call me “Peemaw”!  Or what about when you are feeling at the end of your rope and someone says “I’m praying for you”?!  And the calls that come just when you need it and you hear “Just calling to check in and see how you’re doing.”  My niece calling me to tell me about something funny that’s happened and I hear “Aunt Terry…we have a situation up here!”  Ahhhh sweet sounds from a very powerful muscle!  🙂

Good night, sweet friends!  Oh…and “I love you!”

This afternoon, as I was ironing curtains, I started thinking about my Grammy Brown and how she used to let me iron for her (I think she was just getting some free labor out of me, but I digress!).  Grammy Brown instilled in me the proper way to hang out laundry (“hang the “unmentionables” closest to the house so the neighbors won’t see them!”  I really don’t think that Audrey Wentzell cared about my grandmother’s unmentionables!!)

As usual when I begin thinking, my mind hops all over the place.  A walk down memory lane began.  I remember going over to Louise Kangas’ home to watch her iron and soon she would bring out some of Dick’s handkerchiefs or dish towels for me to iron (I think she thought those would be safe with a young girl and a hot iron!).  My trek down memory lane took me up Lovejoy Hill to the Moro’s house!  Oh my goodness!!  The stories that could be told from that home! Rae Jean was so patient with three giggling girls hanging out in Angie’s room!!  John would come home from a long busy day and find Naomi, Angie and I in the living room playing games and of course, giggling.  Rae Jean and John never ever made Naomi and I feel as though we were not welcome.  The Moro family was just an extension of the Horne family!

My “walk” took me down the hill to Audrey Byron and Bea’s house.  One year, Naomi and I decided to do a community newspaper (even back then, Naomi wanted to be a journalist!)  Here were these two elderly ladies, probably with a list of things they wanted to get done and in walks two kids from up the hill wanting to interview them.  And guess what??  They gave us their stories!!  Bea’s news was about her pets; she loved her cats and Zsa Zsa, her dog!  After the interviews, Audrey and Bea would serve refreshments to the roving reporters.

A little further down Dickvale Road, lives Edie Porter!!!  Who doesn’t love “Speedy Edie”!!??  Naomi, Angie and I would ask Edie if we could be dropped off last on her bus route.  We loved racing to the back seats on the bus after everyone else had been dropped off.  Edie would try to hit every bump for us so we could become air-born on those back seats!!  Here Edie had been driving kids all day, but she would always make our trip home from school a fun one!  She probably just wanted to get home and put her feet up but she loved us kids and would do anything for us.

You may be wondering….”What on earth is Terry rambling about?!”  Some of you may work in a pre-school, some of you are stay at home moms, some substitute in the public schools, some work with the children at your church.  All this rambling is just to remind you that “you’re being watched”.  Grammy Brown, Louise, Rae Jean, Bea and Audrey, and Edie probably never realized how they enriched the lives of the kids they came in contact with.  Here I am at 29+ and I remember all of these ladies with such love and fondness.  I have such great memories from the ladies that I watched while I was growing up on Lovejoy Hill, Peru, Maine!!  Thank you, ladies (Grammy Brown, Bea and Audrey, you’re remembered with love!)  Naomi, Angie and I are better women because of you!!

Titus 2:3-5 

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women  to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I think I may be an Israelite!  No, really, I do!  Lately, I feel as though I keep going back to visit my “pile of rocks” just like the Israelites did.  When the Israelites crossed the Jordan River, God commanded that one person from each tribe was to pick up a stone in the middle of the river.  After they crossed, they were to pile the stones to create a memorial.  When future generations saw these memorials, they would ask the meaning.  This would give the Israelites a chance to tell of the miraculous crossing and how God had saved them.  This would also show that God was, and still is in control.

So often, I take my eyes off from my Heavenly Father and I begin to look at the situation or circumstances around me. And then things go down hill quickly.  I’m finding though, by going back to visit my “pile of rocks”, I see how God was in control all the time.

A week ago, Sarah decided to drive down to Massachusetts after she left work.  Her shift was over at 11:00 pm and it’s a 4 hour ride from Mexico, Maine to Attleboro.  That would mean that she would arrive home around 3:00 am!! Well, guess who started worrying!!?? And then I felt a tap on my shoulder!!  “Terry, let’s take a walk back to your pile of rocks!!  Do you believe I’m in control of everything???  Even your children??”  Yes, Lord, I know you’re in control.  I remember other times that I’ve worried about Sarah driving and You’ve been faithful in keeping her safe.  And even if you choose to take her Home with you, You’re still in control!

Last night I dreamt of Naomi again.  Today I’ve been thinking  about her passing….and then I get upset….and then I get angry!  Uh oh, here comes that tapping on my shoulder!!  “Terry, we’re going to visit your pile of rocks again!!  Do you believe that I knit Naomi together?  Do you believe that I knew the number of hairs on that head of hers?  Do you believe that your days are numbered? (Ps. 39:4  Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.  Remind me that my days are numbered how fleeting my life is.) And then I remember that God is in control when I feel that things feel out of control.

Just like the Israelites, we face many, many situations that seem impossible.  How can I ever do _______ (fill in the blank)?  There have been many times that I’ve thought “How can our family ever be whole when someone we love so much is gone?” or “How do we go on?” or “Where is God in all of this?!”  And then we see Him working…and healing…and waiting patiently for us to see His hand in these situations.  I’m not asked to understand this, just like the Israelites weren’t asked to understand how the Jordan River split in two to allow them to cross!  I’m only asked to trust!  And to obey!

Do you have a pile of rocks?  Can you go back to visit them when you lose sight of Who is in control?  Can you tell your children/grandchildren about what your pile of rocks mean to you?  Take a moment and think back to when you saw how God did something miraculous in your life. It doesn’t have to be something huge like the crossing of the Jordan!  🙂  Sometimes it’s the little things that make me realize that God is still in control!!

Gotta run….my OCD nature wants to stack my rocks in a neater pile!! 

Now before you start stressing about what to wear to this special event, please just finish reading this post.  🙂

As Father’s Day approaches, I find myself starting to really dread this day, for obvious reasons.  I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad and, as most of you who know me will understand, I kinda went off on a rabbit trail of thoughts! 

I started thinking of how I could have been a better daughter to my dad (I’ve been pretty much a perfect daughter to my mom, so I have no regrets there!)  🙂  I wish I had spent more time with him, wish I had asked him more questions about the Horne and Foster sides of the family, wish I had written down some of the events in his life, etc, etc.

I’m sure I’m the only one who lives with regrets in their life.  So I’ll totally understand if you just want to stop reading this blog as it doesn’t pertain to you. 

There are so many regrets in my life:  I regret that I wasn’t more patient with my kids when they were little; I regret that I was  looking ahead instead of enjoying the age that they were at (“It will be nice when they are potty trained”, “I can’t wait until they are able to dress themselves”, etc); I regret that I wasn’t more active in getting back to my pre-baby weight!  (Can’t really call it “baby weight” when my baby is 18!!)  😦    I regret that I may have hurt someone’s feelings with my teasing.  I regret that I wasn’t more compassionate to people who were grieving or going through a tough time.  (Why does it take a crisis in my own life to wake me up to the suffering around me?)

During my time of remembering my shortcomings and regrets, the Holy Spirit decided to tap me on my shoulder!  He reminds me of who I am….a mere imperfect human being saved by Grace.  Why do we expect to be perfect?  Another New Flash:  We’re only human.  I think I can learn from these times of reflection.  But God doesn’t want me to beat myself up over my “failures”, He wants me to repent, learn from them and become more like Him. 

So, you’re all invited to a burial:  the burial of my regrets!  I’m putting them to rest, they’ve kept me company for years but I think it’s time to bury them!  I’ve picked the scripture that will be read at this burial:  Phil 3:13 & 14   ^“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

I’m done looking back and I’m ready to press on toward the goal. 

Oh, and with any good Baptist Funeral, there will be a time of refreshments after the burial!!  Anyone willing to organize this for me?!

I’ll just give you all a minute to sit down and catch your breath after reading this breaking news!!  I’m sure you’re all caught off guard by this.  I’m sorry to be the one to break this upsetting news but you need to know!  You might be wondering how I came to this conclusion…or maybe you’re thinking “Wow! She’s really slow!!”

This morning, Naomi and Rodney’s oldest called me and told me that she had just passed her test to receive her license!  I can’t believe that this precious young lady is old enough to be driving all by herself.  Lord, have mercy!!  It just seems like yesterday that I was hearing the good news about her birth!  Naomi called me from the hospital to tell me all about Miss Farrar and what a beauty she was…and she’s still a beauty.

After I hung up with the newly licensed driver, I started to cry!  Naomi should be here to celebrate with her oldest!  Miss Farrar should be jumping up and down with her mom, squealing about her accomplishment!  And then, the breaking news hit!!  LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!  Life is painful!!  Life is harsh!!  Life is difficult!!  So then, the “Pity Party” hats came out and I threw a great big old Pity Party!  Oh, and when I throw a pity party, Martha Stewart would be in awe of it!!  I don’t hold back!  🙂

I managed to drag Kaitlyn into my Pity Party (it’s sad to say that she just doesn’t have the stamina that I do at these parties!)  😦   She quickly went onto other subjects!  So I attended my party all by myself!  

It’s not fair that my husband is going to lose his eyesight!  He loves to take pictures and in years to come, he won’t be able to see them!

It’s not fair that my brother-in-law is raising 5 kids without their mother.

It’s not fair that my mother is mourning the loss of a child.

It’s not fair that the communities of Dixfield and Jay are mourning two tragic deaths.

It’s not fair that there is no cure for Cancer yet! 

And you know what else isn’t fair!?!  That one day, because of nothing that I have done, I will be standing in Heaven, declared forgiven and welcomed into an eternity with my Heavenly Father!!  Yeah, that’s not fair but it’s called Mercy and Grace! 

My pity party came to a screeching halt when that thought came into this little pea brain!  (I hate when I’m on a roll and the Holy Spirit kinda whispers into my ear….”Ummm, excuse me…I’ve got something you might want to hear.” )  Why am I surprised when I experience heartache, sorrow, etc?  I’ve been told in the Bible that I WILL have trouble; not “maybe” or “perhaps” but I WILL have trouble.  But I know that ONE who has overcome the world!  🙂

John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Gotta run; this confetti from my pity party won’t vacuum itself up! 

I think I may be having an identity crisis!  Sometimes I’m not sure who I am.  At first I was “Brenda and Foster’s daughter”, and then I was “Ralph and Naomi’s sister”.  Once I became “Mrs. Mark Hathaway”, I was “Mark’s wife”.  It didn’t take long to move onto “Kenny/Sarah/Kaitlyn’s mother”.  About a year and a half ago, I added 2 new identities:  “Kelly’s mother-in-law” and “Sean and Eric’s Peemaw”!  🙂  There are many other titles that I’ve been given but I’ll leave those alone.  🙂

Do you ever feel as though people have forgotten just who you are?  Recently, while I was home in Peru (Maine), a man asked me “Aren’t you Naomi’s sister?”  Yes, I am Naomi’s sister.  Being Naomi’s sister wasn’t always easy.  Although Naomi was 4 years younger than me, she was the one I looked up to.  I would only sleep at my Grammy Brown’s house if Naomi went with me!  I didn’t like going to our “den” out behind our house unless Naomi was there to banish all the creepy things out in the woods!!  Naomi and I were alike in some ways but very different in other ways: Naomi was a member of the National Honor Society; I was involved in FHA (Future Homemakers of America.  Yeah, I was cool even back in High School).  Naomi worked hard for her English Degree, I received my “MRS.” degree!  🙂  Naomi was very organized, I had to look around to find my laptop to write this post!  🙂  Naomi could play the piano, me…I play the cd player!  Naomi canned her own food, I can use a can opener like no one else!! 

Now, please don’t think I’m bitter.  Naomi was my best friend growing up and even into our adult life (aside from Mark, of course).  I feel blessed that I am Naomi’s sister.  She was (and still is) such a blessing to me and to so many other people.  And “Naomi’s sister” can’t wait to see her again.

All this rambling to say:  sometimes I can easily feel as though I have no identity of my own.  I love all of my titles listed above but I think, this past year, the title that has meant the most to me is this one: “Daughter of the King”!  I have a heavenly father that has allowed me to climb up onto His lap when my world has come crashing down.  He has put His arms around me when I cried to Him “I don’t understand what you are doing!!!  How is this the plan you have for 5 children?!?  What good can possibly come out of this tragedy?!”  My Father is patient and loving! 

Because of what Christ did on that cross 2,000+ years ago, I am told “At one time we (Terry!) too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures… But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior,  so that, having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” (Titus 3:3-8)  I am an heir with Christ!!  How cool is that!? 

Gotta go…Mark’s wife has to iron something for him to wear to work!   🙂

You may be wondering how on earth did I pick “tapmyshoulder” for my blog name.  🙂 

For the past couple of years, our family has gone through some big changes.  During these times, I often feel God tapping me on the shoulder trying to get my attention.  Sometimes He’s had to revert to using a spiritual 2×4 to get my attention!  If I am obedient and quiet, I can hear what He has to say to me after He’s tapped me on my shoulder.  But often, like when my friend John taps me on my shoulder, I look the opposite way.  How much do I miss by turning the opposite direction when God has something to show me or teach me?  Does God get frustrated that I’m not paying attention?  Is He disappointed that I’ve missed out on a lesson?  I’m grateful that he understands my lack of focus and He still loves me.  He’s such a patient God!  He has so many good things for me!  He never leaves me!  He never walks away in frustration because I’m focused on something pretty or shiny and not focused on the lesson at hand!  🙂  He understands that I’m a work in progress and that one day, when I arrive Home, I’ll be perfect! 

Lord, help me to pay attention to your tap on my shoulder, help me to be focused on you and not the things that soooo easily distract me!  Thank you for being the patient God that you are.  Thank you that you do make beauty out of the ashes.  Thank you that when I feel life is totally out of control, you are totally in control!  Thank you that you have so much to teach me and you’re willing to wait for me to learn these lessons!!

I find this new venture in blogging both exciting and scary!  🙂   I can’t imagine why anyone, even my family, would be interested in reading the random thoughts of a 29+ year old female.  Hopefully you will enjoy what you read and more importantly, I hope you learn more about what my Father is doing in my life.  Thanks again for joining me in this new adventure of mine!

Thank you for checking out my new blog!  🙂